The Miami Dolphins Played The Carolina Panthers, I Think...

The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) has decided on a name change, it will now go by ESDN, The Entertainment Spin Doctor Network… Anyone who actually watched the Dolphins and Panthers game would not have guessed it was the Cam Newton show.

It was a pleasant shock to see the Miami game as the lead story this morning until the talking heads started spinning. In the real game, the Dolphins out gained the Panthers by more than 200 yards in the first half, with the Panthers never making it past mid-field. In the spin doctor game Cam Newton was busy making three plays that were replayed from six different camera angles. Cam is the man, we were informed and he was able to go through a three receiver progression. ESDN walked us through that play from the endzone, from behind the offense, from the sideline, from the blimp, from the ultra-high-res NSA spy satellite.

Oh, and Reggie Bush had a pretty good game, Chad Henne… Did Chad Henne play in that game? Jimmy Clausen brought the Panthers back from 17-0 in the second half to make it 20-10, did he outperform Cam Newton? According to the interview with Ron Riviera, Newton is right on schedule. Newton was able to make plays against the Miami defense with his arm and his feet and showed great poise in the pocket.

When three plays are viewed from different angles, am I not supposed to know they are the same three plays? The ESDN spin doctors made up the news this morning because they don’t care about the Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins don’t have Newton, or Brady, or play in New York - they have Chad Henne - they don’t have the legendary Belichick or the obese big mouth Ryan - they have Tony Sparano – there is no sparkle or glitz, nothing to talk about here.

It’s time for Miami to serve notice to the spin doctors, the Dolphins are coming and the boat is closed. Don’t even think about jumping onboard, ESDN is not welcome in Miami where the concept of team overrides the concept of me. The Dolphins don’t need the spin doctors fabricating stories in search of ratings. The Dolphins don’t need fat coaches, or glamour boy QBs or any form of ESDN slight of hand… Clear the water ESDN, the Dolphins are coming!